I wish more people in interracial relationships were this honest. It's important to find ways to remind them that safety is conditional. It is always conditional. Sigh
Thank you for sharing this. I felt the last few paragraphs in my bones. You described the exact feeling I have when talking to my cis white husband about the election. " Fine is only ever conditional for some of us."
Thank you so much for sharing this, and for all of your writing on mothering and justice that lights the way. In my marriage, the racial dynamic is the inverse, and while we speak incessantly about the way different versions of the world that are available to each of us, there never cease to be chasms that cannot be crossed. I regularly think about how shocked my husband was when he learned that I sometimes forget my ID at home. He would never take that risk, that kind of carelessness is a privilege.
I'm also in an interracial marriage in Seattle 🙋🏻♀️You could have been listening in to some of my own conversations over the years. Thank you for sharing. I've never felt prepared for these moments of loneliness, when solidarity feels out of reach, our differences a chasm. The unfairness of feeling like you have to hold all the knowledge. And also the tender moments of change and evolution between the both of you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m a Filipina married to a white guy and this is something I’ve felt, but haven’t been able to put into words. Please publish your book soon!
Oh, thank you so much for writing this. Neither of us pass as white, and neither do our children, but these tensions still exist because i'm not from around here. And while that means I've got one back door out, it mostly means I'm stuck. In the meantime, this piece made me ring like a bell. Thanks.
This is deeply moving and the writing is crystal clear. Thank you for sharing your experience so clearly and openly. I find it eerily relatable, though I am a white woman married to a white man. I have been a loud and assertive activist since college, and a lot of my thoughts are written out and findable if someone were to go looking.
I share your sense of fear and imminent danger. My spouse has always supported me, and he has been an activist too, but he’s never been as loud or as angry as I have been/am. It’s taken me a long time to understand that his calm isn’t just a failure of his imagination, or my over-sensitivity so much as a result of his in-the-bones security that “they” won’t automatically see him as a problem and do something to ‘mitigate’ the threat.
That has not been my experience. I am terrified for myself and my kids, and for you and your kids and for people of color, or different abilities or brain composition. I know first hand how dangerous the world has always been for women. Given Trump’s cabinet picks, it will clearly get worse.
I’ll ask my husband read this essay, and use it as a starting point in our own conversation about how this election and what it’s revealed about the US. I don’t know if we’ll ever be on the same page, fear wise, but maybe we can understand each other better.
I’ve dated white people in the past and I’m now in my longest relationship with another Black person. This was a really hard but honest read. I deeply appreciate being able to reflect back on those previous relationships and help me process anger I couldn’t name back then. It was much too hard and not worth the heartbreak for me and that was even with knowing that our relationship wasn’t any kind of exception or reprieve from the reality of racism in the US. This was an appreciated reminder than I’m not built for it. I wish you the best with your writing and your relationship. Thank you again.
Oh how I wish we could sit and talk about all this at length. Thank you for sharing this—resonates on so many levels, it’s insane.
🤍
I wish more people in interracial relationships were this honest. It's important to find ways to remind them that safety is conditional. It is always conditional. Sigh
Model humans. That last one made me cry a bit; Under blanket safe / scattered thoughts / heard without judgment. Thanks for sharing this ❤️
Appreciate your thoughtful and raw honesty, Angela. Sending post-election hugs.
Thank you for sharing this. I felt the last few paragraphs in my bones. You described the exact feeling I have when talking to my cis white husband about the election. " Fine is only ever conditional for some of us."
Thank you so much for sharing this, and for all of your writing on mothering and justice that lights the way. In my marriage, the racial dynamic is the inverse, and while we speak incessantly about the way different versions of the world that are available to each of us, there never cease to be chasms that cannot be crossed. I regularly think about how shocked my husband was when he learned that I sometimes forget my ID at home. He would never take that risk, that kind of carelessness is a privilege.
I'm also in an interracial marriage in Seattle 🙋🏻♀️You could have been listening in to some of my own conversations over the years. Thank you for sharing. I've never felt prepared for these moments of loneliness, when solidarity feels out of reach, our differences a chasm. The unfairness of feeling like you have to hold all the knowledge. And also the tender moments of change and evolution between the both of you.
Thank you for this. Also in an interracial marriage and all of this resonates so deeply. The conversations, the growth, the pain.
Just saw this Nov 2024! 🙌🏾
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m a Filipina married to a white guy and this is something I’ve felt, but haven’t been able to put into words. Please publish your book soon!
I feel this so hard. ❤️
So right on about pushing feelings away and getting sober. Perfectly articulated - thank you for expressing it so precisely.
Those last lines. Oof 🙏
Oh, thank you so much for writing this. Neither of us pass as white, and neither do our children, but these tensions still exist because i'm not from around here. And while that means I've got one back door out, it mostly means I'm stuck. In the meantime, this piece made me ring like a bell. Thanks.
This is deeply moving and the writing is crystal clear. Thank you for sharing your experience so clearly and openly. I find it eerily relatable, though I am a white woman married to a white man. I have been a loud and assertive activist since college, and a lot of my thoughts are written out and findable if someone were to go looking.
I share your sense of fear and imminent danger. My spouse has always supported me, and he has been an activist too, but he’s never been as loud or as angry as I have been/am. It’s taken me a long time to understand that his calm isn’t just a failure of his imagination, or my over-sensitivity so much as a result of his in-the-bones security that “they” won’t automatically see him as a problem and do something to ‘mitigate’ the threat.
That has not been my experience. I am terrified for myself and my kids, and for you and your kids and for people of color, or different abilities or brain composition. I know first hand how dangerous the world has always been for women. Given Trump’s cabinet picks, it will clearly get worse.
I’ll ask my husband read this essay, and use it as a starting point in our own conversation about how this election and what it’s revealed about the US. I don’t know if we’ll ever be on the same page, fear wise, but maybe we can understand each other better.
I’ve dated white people in the past and I’m now in my longest relationship with another Black person. This was a really hard but honest read. I deeply appreciate being able to reflect back on those previous relationships and help me process anger I couldn’t name back then. It was much too hard and not worth the heartbreak for me and that was even with knowing that our relationship wasn’t any kind of exception or reprieve from the reality of racism in the US. This was an appreciated reminder than I’m not built for it. I wish you the best with your writing and your relationship. Thank you again.